Asking Why
by My Divinest
Summary: Something bad happens in the band's school. Deals with suicide...don't read it if you're not comfortable with that.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. You wanna sue me? Here's some goldfish, now go away and leave me alone.

I don't even own the plot. If I did…it would have turned out differently. Much, much differently. Now I know that the character that…passes away isn't in SOR…but…I needed to use that specific name. There's a reason, I just…don't want to share it.

* * *

_I'm limited  
Just look at me - I'm limited  
And just look at you -  
You can do all I couldn't do  
So now it's up to you  
For both of us  
Now it's up to you_

When Eleni Jones walked into school with her cousin Freddy on December 8th 2004, they had no idea what they were about to find out. The first thing Eleni realized was that it was silent. Dead silent.

"Freddy, what'd we miss?" she asked.

"I don't know…maybe the guys do," Freddy replied. They found their friends in the corner that they usually hang out in. They were all quiet. Eleni was taking great care to avoid Katie, because they'd had a huge fight the night before.

"Why's everyone depressed?" Eleni asked.

Marta hiccupped. "El, John killed himself."

"John? What?"

"John killed himself. His parents beat him up and he shot himself in the head."

Eleni looked at Marta carefully. She didn't believe her friend, but she really did wonder why everyone was crying. But honesty, John's parents wouldn't hit him. She looked around and saw Stephanie Taylor sobbing against her friend K.J.

The bell rang then, so the band didn't really get much of a chance to talk to each other. Freddy, Eleni, Gordon, Summer, Zack and Marta walked to AP Euro, only to find that it was quieter in the classroom, if that was possible.

"Guy…we're not…we're not doing anything today. Nothing I can teach you will be important on a day like this," the teacher, Mr. Moore said. He was on the verge of tears, and Eleni's stomach sank. _Oh God…it's true_.

They were given work that was option but all Eleni could do was sit there. Her mind was blank. She couldn't think. But it was true. Marta wasn't joking. _Oh God_.

She looked around her. Half her peers were doing mindless work, the other half couldn't bear it. Some were crying. She wondered if she could cry…something told her no. Not yet. It wasn't ok yet. It wasn't ok to cry in front of all these people who actually knew John, who actually hung out with John. It wasn't ok.

"I would like to inform those who do not know what happened last night what happened. A student was taken from us in a tragic accident. We do not know why this terrible event occurred, but John will live on forever in our hearts and in our memories. This will be a time to comfort a friend, a family member, or a team mate in their time of need. The library will be open for those who need grief counseling. The soccer dinner tonight is cancelled. That is all." The principal never really did anything, and this announcement didn't make anyone feel any better.

The bell rang and the students all left their classes and shuffled to their next one.

_I've heard it said  
That people come into our lives for a reason  
Bringing something we must learn  
And we are led  
To those who help us most to grow  
If we let them  
And we help them in return  
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I knew you_

It was the same as first period. Eleni was still in shock. She knew that it still wasn't ok to cry. Her Spanish teacher gave them dittos and she did them. She knew the Spanish vocabulary they were learning like the back of her hand. One of the girls passed around a poem. _She must have found out last night_, Eleni thought as she signed her name to the bottom, to show her support for John's family. _I wonder when his friends found out…I wonder how they're doing…_more thoughts. She just couldn't stop them. They kept coming on like tidal waves.

_Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you  
I have been changed for good_

Chorus was the period that it all changed. She was late, and the band was sitting with Katie, so she obviously couldn't go there. She took her stuff and walked up a few rows and sat with Zack, who also was sitting alone. Marta came up and joined them, and she smiled at her best friend.

"Are you alright Marta?" she asked, fighting to keep her voice steady.

"Yeah…yeah I'm fine. I have to go take attendance," she replied. Marta had always been the type to keep busy when she was grieving.

Eleni stared straight ahead, eyes tearing up but not allowing them to fall. It still wasn't ok.

"Eleni…I…can I have a hug? Please?" Zack asked.

She smiled. "Of course." They hugged and when Zack started to let go, Eleni just clung to him. She wouldn't let him go, and he didn't seem to mind. He just held her for a while. It was then that she broke down.

The tears came and the hiccups followed. People who were friends with John, and those who knew him better than Eleni did herself glared at her, as if to say _what right do you have to cry?_ And she agreed with them, she really had no right. But he was her classmate. She'd talked to him online many, many times. She was…well…he was handsome and nice.

Their teacher, Mrs. Attridge was inconsolable. She was taught calculus for three years by John's mother, and she knew John himself very well.

"Guys," she began in a raspy voice. She shook her head and cleared her throat, wiping her eyes. "Guys, we have a concert tomorrow. How are you feeling?" No one answered. "I need input here. Do you want me to see if I can get the concert cancelled? Do you think you can sing tomorrow?" Everyone shook their heads, still not saying a word. She nodded firmly. "I'll be right back," she said, leaving another teacher that Eleni didn't recognize in charge. Eleni was still crying a big, and she leaned her head on Zack's shoulder, and he put his arm around her shoulders. She scrunched up into a tiny ball, trying to hide, waiting for her teacher to come back in.

When she finally did, she looked even more upset. "Guys, I'm sorry. We still have a concert tomorrow. Mr. Lipshie said that I'm allowed to be upset, but that I can't be demonstrative about it. So, let's get up and try to sing, alright? If you don't think you can, then please, don't worry about it."

Eleni and Zack and Marta, who'd returned to them, were the first three people to stand. Most of the class walked over to the risers and got into their places. They tried to sing, although they didn't sound good. When the class was over, they shuffled throughout their day.

Eleni and Katie had their next class together. They sat next to each other, but didn't say a word the entire period. Eleni talked to her friend Emily Eikov about what happened. Emily seemed to be the only one she could explain her feelings to, and Emily listened. It was hard to not say anything to Katie, who was her other best friend besides Marta, and Summer, but she managed with no tears.

_It well may be  
That we will never meet again  
In this lifetime  
So let me say before we part  
So much of me  
Is made of what I learned from you  
You'll be with me  
Like a handprint on my heart  
And now whatever way our stories end  
I know you have re-written mine  
By being my friend:  
Like a ship blown from its mooring  
By a wind off the sea  
Like a seed dropped by a skybird  
In a distant wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you_

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Announcements were made throughout the day to tell the students what was cancelled and what wasn't. All the teachers gave them busy work, and the option of doing it. Sometimes Eleni did, sometimes she didn't. Her math teacher didn't give her anything so she was forced to sit there for 42 minutes dwelling on her thoughts. And her one thought that kept running through her head like a broken record was: why. 

Because I knew you  
I have been changed for good

Why had John's father collected guns? Why couldn't he collect something else? Why had his parents gotten so mad over a mere letter of grades and disruption of class? Why did John feel that killing himself was the only way out? Why did John's father let him have access to the gun?

Unfortunately, Eleni knew that these why's would never be answered. 

And just to clear the air  
I ask forgiveness  
For the things I've done you blame me for  
But then, I guess we know  
There's blame to share  
And none of it seems to matter anymore

_  
_During math, she called her mother to let her know that the basketball dinner was cancelled. She asked her mom what she'd heard.

"El, honey, I heard that his English teacher send home a letter saying that he was failing her class, and that he was being disruptive. His mother got really angry and they had a fight. His mother and father are divorced, and his father was dragged into it by his mother. Then he went upstairs, got a rifle and cocked the gun. His parents heard it, and ran up to find out what it was. But…they got there too late."

"That's what I heard too. Alright, I've got to go. Bye mom."

"Bye honey…call me if you need to talk alright?"

"Sure mom. Bye." 

Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown  
From orbit as it Off it's mooring  
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the  
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed  
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a  
Through the wood Bird in the wood

Eleni trudged back to math, stopping at the office to see if drama was cancelled. It was optional. She decided to go. She figured that doing something was better than staying at home all afternoon by herself.

John's friend Tom was there as well. He sang his best, as if he were singing for his lost friend. Eleni saw him out of the corner of her eye, singing We'll Never Get to Heaven Till We Reach That Day. Tom wasn't in that song.

_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
I do believe I have been changed for the better?_

Finally Eleni couldn't take anymore of the "lalala bang's" after what had happened. She went outside and stood on the brick wall, looking out into the parking lot. Katie soon came out, and sat on the same wall. They didn't speak. Tears were welling up in Eleni's eyes again. But she didn't let them fall. She stole a glance at Katie, who was also looking at the parking lot.

Summer came out, and talked to Katie for a few minutes, then spotted Eleni, who was on her way inside.

"Eleni, Freddy's looking for you," she said.

"Oh, alright. Can you tell him…I don't know. Tell him I'm in the bathroom or something."

Summer grinned. "Sure," she said following Eleni inside. They talked for a bit, and then Summer left her alone sitting on a desk in the hallway. Then she let the tears fall. She didn't know how long she sat there crying.

_And because I knew you  
Because I knew you_

She went back to drama at some point, to sing Henry Ford. But…she wasn't very good. No one was.

_Flashback_

_John: So what're you up to?  
__Eleni: Nothing really. It's hot as hell over here, but I have to fold laundry.  
__John: Do you have a pool?  
__Eleni: Yeah. But I can't go in it.  
John: Why the hell not??  
__Eleni: Because I have to fold the laundry!  
__John: To hell with the laundry! If you're hot, go in the pool! Especially if it'll make you happy._

_John: Seen any good movies lately?  
__Eleni: I'm dying to see Collateral!!  
__John: How are you going to get in?  
__Eleni: I'm trying to get my dad to take me…he's a Cruise fan too.  
__John: Would you mind if I came?  
__Eleni: With me and my dad?  
__John: Well…in the same theater maybe?  
__Eleni: Yeah, sure! That'd be a blast!_

_End Flashback_

Eleni's mom came a few minutes later to pick up her and Freddy. She went home, took an Aspirin and went to bed.

_Because I knew you  
I have been changed for good_

* * *

So review whether you like it or not. Sorry if there's stuff spelled wrong or something….I've been working and I needed it posted.

Review. Or not. Whatever you want to do.

Love,

Amy

I miss you John. I love you. I hope you're happier. You deserve it.


End file.
